Breastfeeding Rocks!

So... you think nursing mothers should breastfeed in the bathroom? Gross! Do you want to eat your dinner in the bathroom?  Why do you have such a problem with mothers breastfeeding their babies in public? Why do you say that "something like that" should be done in private?  Is it because you're another perverted human who can't look at a breast without thinking about sex? 

Women also commit sexual acts with their mouths, so should our mouths be covered as well? If you want to head in that direction, move to the Middle East and become a Muslim, where women are required to keep their faces covered.  Breasts were given to us to feed our children, and as a happy side benefit, to please our men.  But their main purpose is to give sustenance to infants.

Who are you to say that women can't nurse their babies in public? There's nothing wrong with it!  The women are not baring their breasts in a lacivious manner in order to entice men; they are nursing hungry babies.  Why should they have to do so in a bathroom? Bathrooms are dirty, germ-ridden environments!

You sit at a table to eat, why can't the baby eat at the table also?  I've seen the way some people dive into a plate of food, without any manners at all, chewing loudly, smacking, talking with their mouths full, spraying food spittle while they're still chewing, taking bites that are too large, etc... Oh and let's not forget that godawful sound of a fork or knife being skritched across the plate.  It actually, physically hurts my ears.  Why should that sort of behavior be tolerated in public? People like that should be kicked out of restaurants, right?

I tell you what, if you think women should breastfeed in a bathroom, that's fine.  I think close-minded perverts should eat out of my sight.  So the next time you order a steak and baked potato, take it to the filthy bathroom to eat it, okay?

Makeup Drivers

From Misty:
"I almost got killed the other day by this lady driving down the highway with cell phone in one hand and make-up brush in the other......in the fast lane going, like, 45 mph! I need a crabby Abby response to that!"

Dear Misty,

I feel your pain.  I was once almost run down by a crazy woman in a giant Hummer who had drifted over into my lane on a two lane road.  I had to swerve off the road to avoid her, and I had the kids with me!  Afterward, I had to check my pants...

Too often people are trying to multitask in the car, instead of focusing on the safety of themselves and those around them.  When I see women applying makeup while driving, it really irritates me.  I'm perfectly capable of having a phone conversation while driving, but I try not to.  I can not even imagine someone talking on the phone AND putting on makeup at the same time, while they're supposed to be driving!

How stupid are people these days?  I've even seen people talking on their cell phone and holding a cigarette with the other hand, "holding" the steering wheel with their knee! OH MY GOD! You're gonna kill somebody doing that!

Wake up people! Quit being so ignorant! It is never a good idea to spread your focus too thin while piloting a giant contraption of death.  Pay attention to the road, pay attention to the other idiot drivers around you, and for cripe's sake, USE YOUR BRAIN!

Surgeon General's Warning Crabby Abby's Warning: Being stupid while driving may be hazardous to your health.  Quitting being stupid now greatly reduces serious risks to your health.

Don't Tempt Me

Dear Neighbor,

The next time you let your dog crap in my yard, I will resort to childish pranks.  I won't hesitate to scoop your dog's poo into a paper sack, place it gently on your front porch, set it aflame and run away laughing my ass off.

Keep your stupid dogs on a leash and please, for the sake of your front porch, collect any deposits your canines decide to drop through the neighborhood.  Do not tempt me to actually play the "flaming bag of poo" game with you; I would have too much fun doing it. 

Shut Up and Melt

I've noticed that those who scream the loudest about being victims of racism are often the first to play the "race card" when it benefits them.  Let me talk a little about the past, and about how we, as Americans, should deal with what happened then and now.

My Indian ancestors were raped and murdered by my English ancestors- how am I supposed to feel about that one, huh? My German ancestors tortured and murdered Jews. Am I expected to pay homage to the Jewish because of that? Some of my "white" ancestors probably raped, tortured and murdered black slaves. Another handful of my ancestors likely fought in battle and killed Mexicans.

So if we're going to go by the standard that we all individually owe someone for some wrong done in the past, then rape me, beat me, put me in chains, gas me, starve me and finally murder me. Will that make everything all better or rewrite history? I don't think so.

America is supposed to be the "melting pot" so if you want to be a true American, quit blaming others for what happened to your ancestors. Quit spewing garbage about what you "deserve" because of what was done to your ancestors. Quit demanding that groups of people owe you restitution or ANY sort of special treatment because of happened way back when.

If you want to be a TRUE American, then quit bitching about what everyone else should be doing for YOU and start thinking about what YOU should be doing for America. Quit whining about who your ancestors were and work on becoming the American you SHOULD be.

If you want to be a TRUE American, then shut your yap and start melting.

How Dare You?

To all the members of Westboro Baptist Church,

You claim to be Christians and yet you're protesting at funerals of soldiers?  Those soldiers DIED serving the country that GAVE you the right to protest.  How stupid are you? How ignorant? How heartless? Ask my Magic 8 Ball if you're all a bunch of flaming assholes, and the magic blue cube inside will say "All signs point to yes." 

If you have a problem with our brave, beloved American soldiers, then get the hell out of America. 

The next time it rains, take it as a sign that God's spitting on you.  Coming from a fellow "Christian", go to hell.  You can protest all you want there.

"Urked"

Original question:

Dear Crabby Abby....how about those people that say they are going to do something....but never do???
Signed,
Urked Beyond Belief


Crabby Abby's Response:

Dear Urked Beyond Belief,

Have you told said people that they're "urking" you, or do you bottle it up and try to be polite about it? I've found that stuffing my "urk" in a bottle makes my head and gut hurt, and ever since I began speaking my mind, no matter who may get their feelings hurt, I've felt much, much better.
Signed,
Crabby Abby

True Friendship

What makes friendships true? What makes them invaluable? A true friend won't lie to you, even to spare your feelings.  I'm blessed with several friends who know what "true friendship" really means. 

My true friends will be honest, whether it hurts or not, and I love that.  If we were to go clothes shopping together, they would tell me, "Yes, it makes you look fat," or "That doesn't look good on you."  If I've made a horrible mistake, they won't help me blame someone else, they'll say, "Boy, did you screw up!"  If I complain about a problem I'm having, they don't sigh and say, "I'm sorry to hear that."  They give me suggestions and tell me to get off my butt and do something about it.

My true friends won't ignore me or abandon me if I've said something stupid or bothersome.  My true friends won't "unfriend" me if we have different views or opinions.  They'll ignore the outburst or the opinionated rant and move on.  Everyone has things that they are passionate about, and everyone's passions are different.  If we abandoned our friends because of differences, no one would have friends. 

A true friend knows this, and values their friends because they're different. After all, if we were all the same, it would be horribly boring. 

Selfish People Suck

For my first blog post, I'd like to post the original "Crabby Abby Column #1" that started this whole crabby mess!

Today I'd like to talk about common courtesy. We're all guilty of being discourteous at some point, but come on! Some people should really be filmed, then made to watch the film so they can slap themselves and say "Boy, I'm a jerk".

If it is your turn at the grocery store checkout line, and you realize you've forgotten something on your list, DO NOT leave the line to "run grab it real quick". There are other people in line! Look at that poor lady right behind you. She's just standing there with her single bottle of Afrin while you run off to Aisle 9 for a can of coffee.


The other two people behind her sigh loudly, yet you just run merrily on your way, as though their time is less valuable than yours. Get a grip, ma'am. Pay for your items, wheel your cart over to Aisle 9, grab your coffee, and get back in line like the rest of us.

And to all my lovely shoppers who take their sweet time at checkout going through five different sale papers, saying "I know I saw it in here somewhere", tsk tsk tsk. I don't have so much free time that I feel comfortable standing in line for twenty minutes while you jumble all these papers around and give that poor clerk multiple paper cuts. It's not like I'm going to turn to the shopper behind me and suggest a nice game of "I Spy" while we wait.


We understand you're shopping in a store that offers "price matching" but for pity's sake, go through your papers at home and either cut out the items, or circle them with a red marker beforehand.

Everyone has "Doh!" moments, but try to keep them to a minimum when you're around other people. Selfishness is not a good thing, despite what all those creepy "love yourself" self-help books try to tell you. And when you look behind you and see a line of shopping carts that could easily form a bridge between North America and Europe, pay for your junk and get out of everyone else's way for crying out loud!